Why Madonna and Guy don’t let the never-ending saga of annoying baby speculation, evil divorce rumors and pissy film critics get them down. Screenplay by Jeff Johnson
Scene one: Guy holds forth from a tidy little bungalow behind the Ritchies’ Beverly Hills mansion, just past the treadmill and the pink Big Wheel in the garage behind the pool. “For a crack,” Guy’s hung a painting of the queen behind his desk. Important family phone numbers and email addresses are tacked up on the wall above the TV, which is playing a DVD of Chinatown.
They started over there with a jackhammer three days ago. But I do like it here. The kids love it. Got the pool. Sun always shines. It’s mellow. The first time I came here, I loved it. Then the wife and I spent six months here, and I think we got sucked in. Somehow you get into a routine of going out and seeing people. And once you’re into that routine, you sort of need to go away for a cleansing period, come back, then remember not to do it again. But it’s mellow when they’re not jackhammering.
Madonna: Unfortunately, they haven’t stopped.
It’s like a holiday. You don’t leave the compound. You read your books. Madonna and I will sit and read for hours. I’ll have a swim, write a bit, take it easy. And there are actors I’m interested in, and they’re always in town, you have them stop by and have a little chitchat. Brad Pitt’s a bit of class. I love him. He was here last night to bring around his gambling debts.
Marriage is big. To me, family and kids is as big as it gets. Lourdes calls me Super Dad. She got a good dad. He’s a good man. So, I get away with just being Super Dad. She’s been with me all her life, since she was, like, one-and-a-half. She’s maybe 6 now. She’s a lot like her mother.
Madonna: I try to teach my children to share, to be generous, to be grateful.
Rocco takes after me. He’s pretty sort of transatlantic. International. I’ve dealt with several messy diapers, and we suffered a few noisy nights, but I don’t think Rocco’s ever had trouble sleeping all the way through.
The truth is, you could derive so much pleasure out of kids that you relegate the downside to nothing. You’re always carried away with the positive aspects of kids. Well, I am anyway. I’m just happy with kids as kids. Do we talk about having more kids? Sure. Do I talk about it with reporters, No.
Scene two: A flashback, when it all began, in which in which Guy attends a fateful dinner party thrown by Trudie Styler.
Madonna was there with her boyfriend at the time. He was sulking. I was trying to impress her. It worked. You have to keep on your toes that you aren’t being affected by the fact that it’s Madonna. You got to watch out that you’re not being sucked in by that. Because, after all she’s flesh and blood, isn’t she? You have to shatter the illusion. I knew we’d get on. We’re quite similar, in the respect that she likes to get in her hour and a half of exercise each day, and I like to get in my hour and a half of exercise each day. She likes to read, and I like to read. That was that.