NAME: It’s really Madonna. Madonna Ciccone. I never became aware that it was such an unusual name until I moved to New York and started getting my name on programmes; people assumed it was a stage name.
ANY NICKNAMES? My father called me Nonny — I think that’s how I said my name when I was little. I gave myself a graffiti tag too: “Boy Toy”.
BORN: In Detroit. What year? Why do I have to tell everybody that all the time?
FIRST CONCERT: David Bowie at Cobo Hall in Detroit. Oh, it was the most marvellous thing I’d ever done in my life! I was punished severely for going.
PREVIOUS OCCUPATIONS: Before this blasphemous job? I worked at Burger King and McDonald’s and was a lifeguard and scooped ice cream. I was once a painter’s model: I took all my clothes off and they pretended to draw my body artistically.
FIRST CRUSH: The first boy I ever loved was Ronny Howard in the fifth grade class. He had real white-blond hair and sky blue eyes. He was so beautiful. I wrote his name all over my sneakers and on the playground I used to take off the top part of my uniform and chase him around.
DREAM HOLIDAY: One where I’m not arguing with anybody. Somewhere where it’s warm but not disgustingly boring.
IS THERE ANYONE YOU’D RATHER HAVE HAD YOUR FIRST SCREEN SNOG WITH THAN ROBERT JOY (IN DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN)? Vince Spano (“hunky” Italian star of Baby It’s You and other fine films). Vince Spano is such a dreamboat. Or Sam Shepard (American playwright and actor).
DO YOU DO ANY EXERCISE? I swim 100 laps every day. That’s over a mile.
WHICH TV SHOW WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO STAR IN? Dynasty. I’d like to play the girl who made Alexis feel like a fool. I’d like to trip her up.
WHAT IRRITATES YOU MOST? I hate polite conversation. I hate it when people stand around and go “Hi, how are you?” I hate words that don’t have any reason or meaning. Also I hate it when people smoke in elevators and closed-in places. It’s just so rude.
WHAT’S YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE EXPRESSION? “Where’s the beef?” I’m sick of it — purlease!
DO YOU LIKE SARDINES? I love sardines in the can with mustard. But I take their spines out and their tails off.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF SIR WILLIAM IDOL? Who? Oh. I was considering doing a song with Billy Idol, if you can believe it. That would have been good because we’re both white and plastic and blond.
WHAT’S, LIKE, THE WEIRDEST GIFT YOU’VE EVER HAD FROM A FAN? I only get normal things like flowers, candy, toys and jewellery, but I get strange letters because of my name. I got a letter from a girl who believes she’s the second coming of Christ and since I’m Madonna we have to be together.
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? I don’t like jokes so much. The things that make me laugh are people’s idiosyncracies and expressions.
DO YOU THINK YOU’LL EVER WRITE A BOOK? Maybe. I do write a lot. It would be a searing love story, probably semi-autobiographical, you know, because it’s best to draw on your personal experiences.
FAVOURITE HEAVY METAL SONG? Oh, gee, I don’t really listen to it anymore and even when I was little I hated it too.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE HAT? A sailor’s cap in navy blue. I just took it off. I was wearing it all day but it was giving me a headache.© Smash Hits