Virgin on the ridiculous…
Sleek bodywork, built for speed, pop’s provocative new goddess made time in her busy schedule to tell her British public the facts about love, life and the sordid hotbed of perversion and depravity that is New York at night. Read on as Nick Datsun and Maurice Minor, the cars who get the stars, give you the facts on this year’s hottest property! (Government health warning: This interview has been censored.)
The dumb lamppost that had been by my side for about 20 minutes finally decided to speak.
“You got twenty minutes, tops,” he said, ushering me into a hotel room somewhere in London. He closed the door behind us and stood there waving me forward to the well-known American woman sitting by the window drinking Campari. I have been told “for good reasons” that I cannot tell you her name. Why, I wondered in her direction?
“Hey, I dunno really,” she drawls with a shrug. “I just think it would cause a lot of trouble for lots of people if you did. This way we pretend you made it all up and I still get to talk to the people in England.”
Would it be OK if I called you the Virgin Queen, then? She laughs powerfully from the bottom of her mouth and the lamppost slaps a murderous glance across my face.
“Oh sure, I suppose that’s OK. It still sounds like you made it up, so I reckon that’s OK. I’ll probably break down laughing if you say it to my face, though.”
You’re not really known for your sense of humor, are you ?
“Well no, I guess not. I am to my friends, but the people here in England probably know me for other things.”
Like being a Virgin Queen?
“Ha ha ha, you really gotta stop saying that…”
Or having recently changed the direction in which you comb your eyebrows…
“No I haven’t…”
Yes you have, you fibber.
“I did that ages ago but I guess it takes you journalists a bit of time to catch up with things.”
“And I don’t actually change their direction, I just got to making them sort of square on the centre and finer at the ends instead of one uniform crescent shape all along.”
Yes, but why is what I’m asking you?
“Oh I just felt like a change and I’d started letting my hair go a bit flatter and when my hair’s flat it makes my face look really round so I decided to square my face up a bit by doing my eyebrows that way.”
And your thighs look a bit hefty as well.