Uh, you sing and dance. You entertain people. O.K., let’s see… Leo.
Yes. That’s right. Should I guess what sign you are?
Yeah. It’s fairly obvious.
Are you a Virgo?
Well, it’s not that hard. Think about when we first met.
I thought you didn’t like me.
That happens all the time. I’m awful.
Let’s see. What’s an awful sign? Scorpio?
Stop! I’m a Pisces. You were close with Virgo. That’s my opposite sign. I’m always working with them and marrying them.
I don’t know that much about Pisces. I’ve never really known any Pisces. What are their characteristics?
A lot of writers are Pisces.
Do you have nice feet?
No, I have big feet.
Don’t Pisces have nice feet?
No, they have influential feet.
Do they have foot fetishes?
Some do, I heard. I am attracted by a nice pair of feet.
You know how you have a body spot that’s sensitive or powerful? There’s one for each sign. Mine is my back. I have a great back. It’s beautiful. I can say that.
Has there been any astrological pattern to your love life? Do you tend to fall for one certain sign?
Fire signs. I married a Leo. A lot of people in my family are Leos. My mother had a lot of us in the same month. She kept getting pregnant at the same time every year. I had my chart done once. I remember only two things from it. One was that I should eat more cooked vegetables. The other was that I was going to meet an older man who was going to be a great influence on me. And then I met Warren Beatty.
Has he been a great influence on you?
Yes. But I haven’t been eating many cooked vegetables. I do eat a lot of raw vegetables. How come you use two tape recorders? Are you superstitious?
No, I’m really bad at doing interviews. I recently interviewed someone for an hour and a half and the tape recorder was on “play,” not “record.”
He must have been a loser. Who was this person?
He’s a professor of popular culture at Notre Dame University.
Not at all. It was very interesting to hear someone speak in complete paragraphs.
I’m not doing that?
No you’re not.
I am so. For instance, the way I’m talking now, I’m just going to keep going on and on in a never-ending sentence and keep going on and on and then put a period on the end of it. Is that a paragraph?
No. You have to speak in complete blocks of thought.
I don’t know too many people like that. Warren Beatty is like that. He’s very intellectual.
Extremely. He doesn’t talk a lot but when he does it comes out in paragraphs.
Is he a scholar?
I’d say that. He’s a scholar of humanity.
Am I a scholar? No. I’m not a scholar, I’m a sponge. I just soak things up.
You just study the videotapes of your rehearsals.
That’s so f*cking funny! No, I don’t just study my videotapes. Yeah, yeah. That’s all I study.
I know you have a hard job.
I read. I’ll tell you one thing I don’t do: I don’t watch TV.
Never. And I have four televisions. I used to read to lot more than I do now, I’m sorry to say. I just don’t have time. There, I’ve said it again.
Well, what do you do on the plane?
I read magazines. I love reading magazines. It’s my vice. Junk. Not like the Enquirer . . .
Vogue. Tatler. Details. Spy. The usual. I like Vanity Fair. It’s high-gloss gossip.
Don’t you think it’s a little negative?
Usually Vanity Fair just likes English people or aristocratic felons.
They weren’t mean to me.
No, but you’re one of the exceptions.
Maybe because everyone shits on me so much they felt sorry for me.
Everybody shits on you so much? Give me a break!
Come on, I get a lot of bad press.
You get so much good press.
Yeah, but I get a lot of bad press too. I get ripped to shreds. I’ve got everybody waiting to tear me down.
Who gives you bad press? What’s the worst thing anybody ever wrote about you?
You know, I’m a good-for-nothing, no-talent has-been, and they can’t wait until I drop dead.
That sounds like the alternative press.
Oh, they hate me. People who listen to Elvis Costello hate me.