O.K., what about your other measurements?
Thirty-three, twenty-four, thirty-four.
Pretty good, huh?
I guess so. I always thought that ideally there was a supposed to be ten inches’ difference.
Thirty-four when I’m having my period.
Do you find that all the women you work with have their periods at the same time?
That always happens. It pisses me off.
Because we’re all on the rag at the same time.
It’s a tribal thing.
What happens is that it screws things up. If you haven’t been with that group of people for a while, and all of a sudden you’re with them, you start your period earlier. It totally f*cks up your cycle.
When you yelled at that guy in the car tonight, I think he didn’t recognize you. You seem to be able not to be recognized.
I got recognized about twenty times on the way over there. People just wave.
So what’s that like?
It’s good and bad. It means you’ve made it.
You must like it. Otherwise you’d wear a hat in the car, right?
Right. Sometimes it bugs me when I’m in a bad mood and I’m driving my car and I look over and there’s a car full of guys and they start following me wherever I go. That’s a pain in the ass. But I could think of worse things that could happen to me. (Madonna pulls out a large bag of candy.) Do you want a piece of candy?
I love candy, as you can see. I’m a sugar junkie. It’s because I was deprived of love as a child.
But you have a big family. Don’t they love you?
Yeah, I’m just kidding. I wasn’t deprived. But I wasn’t allowed to eat candy. That’s really their reason. I’ve been gorging ever since I moved out of the house.
Your brother paints Madonnas, right?
He paints religious figures. Religion’s been a major influence in our life.
Did you have a super-religious upbringing, or just the average Catholic home?
Super. I wasn’t allowed to wear tampons until I married. My stepmother said it was like intercourse. I wasn’t allowed to wear pants for a really long time.
What about your brothers?
You know how religion is. Guys get to do everything. They get to be altar boys. They get to stay out late. Take their shirts off in the summer. They get to pee standing up. They get to f*ck a lot of girls and not worry about getting pregnant. Although that doesn’t have anything to do with being religious.
Did you ever go through an atheist period?
You just went from Catholic to pagan.
Do you think I’m a pagan? That means I worship false gods.
What gods are false?
That’s the definition of a Pagan.
That’s the Catholic definition of a pagan. I mean, I believe in the main god, the bid one, and I believe in Jesus, but I believe in all the other ones too.
I guess I am a pagan in the eyes of Catholicism.
Do people ever ask you out on dates?
All the time. You bet!
Besides prisoners from jail. Do you like it?
Sure. It’s flattering.
What’s a good pickup line?
“Haven’t I seen you somewhere before?”
Does that work?
It depends on what they look like. But I really don’t remember anyone giving me a pickup line. Usually only jerks have pickup lines.
In your Vanity Fair article you called Oliver Stone and Andrew Lloyd Webber “fabulous misogynists.” What’s a fabulous misogynist?
I just like putting a nice word with a bad word. It means they’re grand in their misogyny. It’s like calling someone a charming creep.
Are there a lot of misogynists in…
In Hollywood? They’re everywhere, babe.
Is it as bad as it ever was? No improvement?
It doesn’t seem like it. It seems racism is as bad as it ever was, misogyny is as bad as it ever was, homophobia is as bad as it ever was. You know.
You’ve been in business ten years. I’ve been is business twenty years. I think some things have gotten better.
You have a different perspective than I have. You’re older. Like about a couple hundred years.
Yeah? I’m not as old as your boyfriend.