Mike Myers: All right, that’s a good answer.
Madonna: That’s the only thing I play with. Well, that’s not the only thing, but this is an interview. O.K.- next!
Mike Myers: What’s your favorite candy?
Madonna: Charms Blow Pops, because they’re hard on the outside and soft on the inside. [giggles] You can suck them or crunch them. And there’s always a surprise inside.
Mike Myers: [deep voice] Paging Dr. Freud!
Mike Myers: Freud was just taken out on a stretcher right now. O.K. What’s your favorite dog?
Madonna: It’s a close race between a pit bull and Johnny Depp.
Mike Myers: Oh-ho! Saucer of mile, table two! Meow! Bing, bing, bing!
Madonna: Do I sound bitter?
Mike Myers: Nah. How about going out with Johnny Depp?
Madonna: My name is too long for a tattoo. We could never go out.
Mike Myers: Ahhh. [slyly] You know, they’re recording this.
Madonna: Is someone listening to our conversation?
Mike Myers: No. Nobody’s listening to it right now, but…
Madonna: They will listen to it. That’s the story of my life.
Mike Myers: It’s a little frightening.
Madonna: That’s all right, I haven’t said anything incriminating. But I intend to!
Mike Myers: What’s your most embarrassing moment?
Madonna: Right now.
Mike Myers: What’s your favorite picture in Sex?
Madonna: In my book?
Mike Myers: Yes.
Madonna: Or in your book?
Mike Myers: No, I haven’t brought out my sex book yet.
Madonna: I don’t have any favorite pictures, because it happened so long ago, I’m over it. I’m on to the next thing.
Mike Myers: I liked the book, by the way.
Madonna: Did you? You weren’t full of rage, like the rest of the United States? [laughs] Didn’t you think it was funny? Nobody got the funniness.
Mike Myers: Um, I thought it was very entertaining.
Mike Myers: I have a question! You know, I do a character called Dieter…
Madonna: You do?
Mike Myers: Yes.
Madonna: Well, I didn’t copy you.
Mike Myers: Oh, man – like, I’m calling you right now and accusing you of plagiarism? [laughs]
Madonna: Well, everybody else does. Some woman is threatening a lawsuit cause she claims she has a book called Sex, and I apparently ruined her literary career.
Mike Myers: Oh, dear.
Madonna: Oh, Dieter! How many times have you been sued?
Mike Myers: I’ve never been sued.
Madonna: Just wait. One more year of being rich and famous and the lawsuits will just start rollin’ in like clockwork.
Mike Myers: I remember when I was sitting there with you and Roseanne, and you guys were sharing war stories. I thought, Oh, I’d quit. But here I am, on the job. Who do you relate to more? Barbie or Midge?
Madonna: Who’s Midge?
Mike Myers: Midge was Barbie’s friend.
Madonna: I don’t relate to either of them; I don’t relate to dolls.
Mike Myers: I’ll strike it from the record. Betty or Wilma?
Madonna: Neither. I don’t watch TV. I wasn’t allowed to, as a child. My father thought it was going to rot our brains. He forced us to read instead, and I’m glad he did. There aren’t that many people in this town who know who Blazac and Steinbeck are.