Mike Myers: O.K. Which of them do you relate to more?
Mike Myers: Good, we’re making progress! You grew up in Detroit?
Madonna: I haven’t grown up yet.
Mike Myers: Could you.. just shut up?
Madonna: Could I just shut up and let you answer the questions?
Mike Myers: Shut up, shut up and answer the questions! The Detroit Red Wings are playing the Toronto Maple Leafs in the play-offs right now. Who do you want to win?
Madonna: I don’t really care.
Mike Myers: [hushed] Thank you, Dr. No!
Madonna: Would you ask me some questions that have a resonance to my life? This interview is mostly about what you’re interested in: toys and hockey.
Mike Myers: Is it more about me than it is about you?
Madonna: Yes, but don’t you realize that all interviews are?
Mike Myers: More about the interviewer than the interviewee?
Madonna: Absolutely. And all reviews are more about the writer than what they’re reviewing. They’re Rorschach tests.
Mike Myers: yes, this is true. Do you believe in psychics?
Madonna: Sometimes I believe them and sometimes I don’t, depending on how well their eyebrows are plucked.
Mike Myers: Have you ever contacted the spirit world?
Madonna: Probably a couple of times when I played Ouija board. I tried to contact John Kennedy. I said, “Show me a sign,” and then the girl I was playing with, like, her mascara started running, so I was sure he was in the room with me.
Mike Myers: Why do I feel like I’m interviewing Sophie Tucker?
Madonna: Because I don’t shut up?
Mike Myers: No, that wasn’t a slight. You’re telling very funny jokes of a political-cum-bawdy nature.
Madonna: Is that sexual innuendo?
Mike Myers: No, it was pseudointellectual discourse.
Madonna: Oh. I can’t relate to those. Do you ever think we’ll do more than a skit together?
Mike Myers: Yes. It’s my goal for us to work together.
Madonna: ‘Cause I have this idea that we should do a remake of Some Like It Hot, only with you and Garth playing the Tony Curtis/Jack Lemmon parts. Sharon Stone should play the Marilyn Monroe part and I’m gonna play the bandleader. Only I want to change it slightly, I’m going to fire the Marilyn Monroe character for being unprofessional, and then we’ll see what develops from there!
Mike Myers: That is one of my favorite movies. Marilyn was brilliant. She was really overweight, but really, really sexy!
Madonna: That’s right, baby! So think about it.
Mike Myers: [phony agent voice] “I’ll have my people call your people.”
Madonna: Our agents will have lunch. Now, what street do you live on?
Mike Myers: Um, is this gonna be in the thing?
Madonna: Oh, God! Who cares what street you live on, is all I have to say! There’s this fun thing to do when you want to stay in a hotel under another name. You take your middle name and the street that you live on and that’s your name. So, what would your name be?
Mike Myers: My name would be John Mulholland.
Madonna: [laughs] Sounds like movie-star name.
Mike Myers: A porno-star name.
Madonna: What’s the difference?
Mike Myers: We’re all porno actors, in our own way.
Madonna: We’re all prostitutes, on our own way.
Mike Myers: [slightly pretentious accent] Listen, according to Jean-Luc Gobard, in his movie Two or Three Things I know About Her, “We’re all just prostitutes, ourselves.” So what’s your pseudonym?
Madonna: Mine is Louise Sunset Boulevard – don’t you think that’s pretty? It sounds like a movie star’s name, too.
Mike Myers: We live really close- you should come by for sugar sometime.
Madonna: I’d love to.
Mike Myers: Do you want to come over today?
Madonna: I’m getting my nails done. Maybe I’ll drive down. Could I bring my girlfriend Ingrid?
Mike Myers: Ingrid can absolutely come. We’ll have coffee.
Madonna: Well tawk. What color’s the house?
Mike Myers: It’s um…
Madonna: Oh, you don’t want to say that in the interview. I don’t worry about anything I’ve said.
Mike Myers: I’m always afraid. But you’re hugey-huge. [He tells her his exact address.]
Madonna: All right, so now I know where to go if I don’t like this interview.
Mike Myers: I never interviewed anybody before.
© Interview Magazine