Scene three: The plot thickens, as the media tar, feather, railroad, rumormonger and run the Ritches through the ringer.
There’s a problem with the Brits. I don’t know what it is, but they kick the shit off of anyone who does well. I guess they do it everywhere. It’s so vindictive. The press in the UK has kicked the shit out of Swept Away so far. No one had even seen it there, and every day there was another article about what a terrible movie it is. There was an article by a chap who, by the way, has always blown so much smoke up our ass it’s absurd. And he wrote that this movie will never get released, absolutely awful. He said everyone argued, and we’re gonna get divorced. And they dedicated a page to that. You can warm your hands off the hatred and resentment. I knew we were setting ourselves up for the shit, but in a way it stimulates you to do it.
Madonna’s had the shit kicked on her for years, so it’s not that new to her. I don’t know. We stopped reading papers and stopped watching the telly, so we live in vacuum. And we don’t frankly care if you kick the shit out of us, ’cause we don’t even know about it, and even if we do, it’s funny. It doesn’t mean anything. We all think it does, ’cause we’re all in the game. But the more you drop out of it, the less you care. If you don’t like it you don’t like it. Big deal. So, yeah, we’re expecting, some shrapnel, and I’m sure we’ll catch some, but our heads are down, and it will probably lust go over the top of ’em.
It’s not really hard when you’re married to Madonna. It’s had its moments when it’s been tricky, and I used to react a bit in the beginning. I used to get upset if people came and interrupted us. But we haven’t been hassled much and, mind you, we don’t go out. I like it on our desert island.
Madonna: Fame is only a desert island if you give it a place of importance in your life.
Going out is overrated. I’m as fucking lame as they come. I am. I’ve got to do jujitsu once a day, it’s the only time I get out of the house. I was tired of going out when I was 18, but you still went out ’cause you had nothing else to do. And you’re still willing to get smashed up. The older l get the less interested I am in all that. So, you know, who knows? I went and saw Road To Perdition, but the people I went with were a lot more famous than me – Brad, Jennifer and Claudia Schiffer. By the way, Sam Mendes – the director – is class.
Scene four: An unexpected plot twist in which Guy and Madonna make a movie near Malta about a rich, pampered bitch named Amber who gets marooned and falls in love with Pepe, a swarthy, tough little fisherman.
Then fate allows Pepe to teach Amber a thing or two.
Madonna saw the original version of Swept Away first, like 20 years ago. And then we made the BMW commercial. Someone saw that and said, “Oh, this reminds me of Swept Away.” So, one night, a friend played it and I wasn’t paying much attention. And then I got hooked the second they got in the dinghy and the engine broke down. I could see what was going to happen. And then I paid attention.
By the time the film had finished, I said, “Someone’s got to remake this movie.” I liked the edge of it. The passion. And Madonna said, “Why don’t you remake it?” I said, “Well, why don’t you be in it?” She went, “All right,” and that was that.
People could say, “Oh, it is just Madonna playing a bitch” – in a way that was what I liked about her as Amber.
But the tricky thing about Madonna is she transcends being an actress because she’s Madonna. And people are always distracted by that. The concept I liked was the segue, where Amber goes from being a dominant bird to being stuck on a desert island. Of course, it’s not like Madonna at all in reality, but Amber’s the quintessential bitch, you know, doing her thing, and then her world flips.
Regarding the violence, I’m not a wife-beater, and I don’t applaud people that do. But somehow in the context of the film, it works. How’s Amber gonna wake up? She doesn’t have to ask Pepe for his help. He says, “You don’t have to come with me, but if you do, you gotta go my way on it.”
And it’s not like he’s a great big geezer either. It’s one thing being hit by Mike Tyson, and it’s another thing being slapped by a scrawny little fisherman. So, I don’t think anyone should get swept away in that.
The ending is where me and the wife disagree.
Madonna loves the idea that Amber and Pepe’s relationship will work.