Carrie: Breadwinner and breadmaker. When you win as much bread as you do, your bread-baking skills are going to go down and it’s going to be harder to have a relationship. You have to figure out different compromises. Most men don’t want to compromise.
Madonna I have to figure out what I can do good for a guy that will take care of the fact that I’m not going to be doing the cooking.
Carrie: What can you do well? I’m desperate to hear that stuff. You are very attractive.
Madonna That’s not doing something good.
Carrie: Well, for guys it is.
Madonna I would never be a financial burden to anyone [laughs]. I think I have a terrific sense of humor.
Carrie: You can joke about the things that they’re not getting.
Madonna Exactly. I’m a good kisser. I know that.
Carrie: How do you know?
Madonna Because everyone says so. They don’t tell me I give good head, believe me, because I don’t give it.
Madonna They just tell me I’m a savage bitch. Who wants to choke? That’s the bottom line. I contend that that’s part of the whole humiliation thing of men with women. Women cannot choke a guy.
Carrie: Some would argue.
Madonna Yeah, but still, it doesn’t go down into their throat and move their epiglottis around.
Carrie: So you’re a good kisser, you have a good sense of humor, and you’re not a financial burden. I think we have to find some more stuff.
Madonna Okay. I can carry my own suitcases.
Carrie: Are you supportive or nurturing?
Madonna I can be [laughs]. I’m tempted to say it’s not my nature, but in the other hand I know that I am nurturing.
Carrie: Do you remember to ask how their day was?
Madonna I do, but only because…
Carrie: You’ve been tortured about not doing it.
Madonna Exactly. I’m getting better at that. Inevitably, what they did bores me.
Carrie: But you know how I’ve heard boredom described? Unenthusiastic hostility.
Madonna That’s good.
Carrie: Do you want to have children?
Madonna As soon as I find Mr. Right. No, as soon as I just finish one more project!
Carrie: But I don’t think there is Mr. Right.
Madonna Okay, there isn’t Mr. Right.
Carrie: I think we have to modify that idea.
Madonna Expectations, absolutely.
Carrie: Especially when you’re such a piece of work. You’ll forgive me, but most men – I was told this by a shrink – will not want to take on a person in your position. He didn’t speak specifically of you but of people with large careers.
Madonna I’m sure of that. That’s why so many young guys go after me. For me it’s either older guys or younger guys. Older guys have already achieved success. They know who they are and generally they have money, one would hope, so they’re not about to be that competitive with you. They’re in a certain place; they’re in the twilight. And then there are the really younger ones, and nothing is expected of them yet.
Carrie: And there’s also that horrible thing when you go on dates after you’re thirty: Everyone’s already experienced a bad relationship, so you’re living in the blowout of that horror. You have to put up with the ghosts that both carry around. A younger guy doesn’t have as many ghosts, so you can scribble on their clean slates. You can be their first bad experience.
Madonna And I usually am.
Carrie: You can initiate them into the world of dysfunctional releationships.
Madonna I can walk away and say, “Well, that’ll really make a man out of him.”
Carrie: That’s right, they’ve had their Madonna experience. That’s what wrecked me for dating guys after I turned twenty. I didn’t want to give anyone the oppurtunity to say they had fucked Princess Leia.
Madonna Laid Princess Leia.
Carrie: I think you should put an ad in some very, very high-level newspaper.
Madonna Like what, the Wall Street Journal?
Carrie: So how are you going to meet guys, go to bars?
Carrie: The bummer about being a celebrity is that guys already know so much about you, which you wether have to undo or redo.
Madonna You can always say, “You can’t believe anything you’ve read.”
Carrie: “I’m really very sweet, and I only showed how to give a blow job in that movie because I was stressed out. That’s not really how to do it, this is how I do it.”
Madonna I guess it is strange. It’s kind of hard to date when you’re a celebrity, because you can’t walk unknown into a place and present yourself to somebody. It’s like everybody knows you already. Or here’s a good barometer: if you can watch my documentary and not be completely repulsed – not repulsed, but shocked – by me. That weeds them out.
Carrie: That’s what I think you like to do. You like to test your parameters by exceeding them.
Madonna That’s it, absolutely. You got it.
Carrie: I was going to ask if you were going to keep topping yourself in each of your videos. Could we expect one of your male dancers pull a tampon out of you with his teeth? But I don’t want to give you any ideas.
Madonna I don’t like blood, so you won’t see that.
Carrie: It could be during off period, during ovulation.
Madonna I haven’t thought of that one. I don’t think I would, though, because I don’t think any of my dancers want to go anywhere near my pussy.
Carrie: They like to go near your breasts, though.
Madonna But that’s just a leftover thing with their moms.