You must miss him.
I do [she whispers] I still love Sean and I understand very clearly, now that time has passed, why things didn’t work out between us. I miss certain things about our relationship because I really consider Sean to be my equal – that’s why I married him. I don’t suppose I’ve found that yet with anybody else.
There seemed to be something good between the two of you. You were more like buddies than husband and wife.
Really? [she asks, looking like she’s about to cry again] We did make a really good couple, didn’t we? But we had our problems. I hate to keep talking about it. It’s all over. But… there’s something to be said about people being the love of your life. Even if it doesn’t work, there’s always that person that you love. I did have a real connection with Sean and I still do. I feel close to him even though we’re not physically close. Going through what we went through made us very close. There was a lot of pressure. I mean, it really is amazing we didn’t kill each other. But I don’t feel like it was a waste of time. I still love him.
Are you a happy person?
I’m a very tormented person [she sighs] I have a lot of demons I’m wrestling with. But I want to be happy. I have moments of happiness. I can’t say I’m never happy. I’m working towards knowing myself and I’m assuming that will bring me happiness. I’m slowly getting rid of the demons. You see, I don’t think you can truly be loved until you know and love yourself. Then, you can be truly loved and that’s what I want.
By the end of the tour they called her symply Ma. It might have meant Mother. Then again, maybe it was just short for Madonna.
Madonna as mother. It makes sense, in a perverse sort of way, and as Truth Or Dare keeps reminding us, here is yet another role that Her Blondeness reveals in. With her seven male dancers, Madonna had to be Mother to these frivilous and, at times, downright disobedient children. But were they kids or simply Madonna’s posse?
In her advertisment for the dancer’s audition, Madonna expressly asked for fierce male dancers… whimps and wannabes need not apply! Attitude she wanted and attitude she got. Once you walked into the audition, dancer Luis Camacho, 21, recalls of his first meeting with the superstar, you knew who was the boss. She just radiates power.
When one of the dancers’ homophobia threatened some of the others, Madonna showed who was boss. The tour has just started, the dancers recall her telling them, I can have you all replaced. Oliver Sidney Crumes, 21, a heterosexual, felt taunted by some of the gay dancers, especially Camacho, whom Madonna described as being someone born to play a male courtisan.
He was Mr. Macho Man, Camacho says of Crumes. According to another dancer, Salim “Slam” Gauwloos, 22, Oliver was a toy for Madonna. He was dumped and he gagged, and we laughed because we knew it would happen. They started up at the end of rehearsal. What they actually started up is something Truth Or Dare leaves open to speculation. But all hell broke loose in Madonna’s posse when a tabloid reported that Crumes had replaced Warren Beatty as the man in her bed.
I was carrying on an Oedipal relationship, a mother and a son, Madonna waxes on about Crumes. It wasn’t fully realized. He played ‘Little Boy’ to my ‘Mother’. I took him under my wing and wanted to eduacate him. I’d give him books. He got attached.
On tour, the affections between mother and children ran every which way and loose. Kevin Stea, 21, another Blond Ambition dancer, claims that at the last performance, Madonna revealed a secret. Madonna told me she had a crush on me when we first started, he says. And I thought she hated me because she treated me in a very businesslike manner. Madonna remembers it differently.
Dream on! she lashes back. He can say anything he wants. I kept my distance because he didn’t bathe!
And how do the other boys feel about Madonna today? Let’s just say they make her sound like the only serious challenge to sainthood for Mother Theresa. And why not? For the duration of the four-month world tour, they were paid top dollar and stayed in deluxe hotels, each getting his own room when they played Los Angeles. Any 21-year-old could get addicted to that kind of a lifestyle, and some did. I did a Linda Blair, Camacho says of his withdrawal from life on tour. Getting of the plane, I didn’t get into a Mercedes Limo, I got into my father’s Ford Reliance. When I got up [in the morning], I reached over and gagged because there was no phone for room service.
And of course, there was no Madonna. She was a very maternal figure, says Stea. She was always worried about us. There were always condoms in our per diem.
© US Magazine